First Month with Twins; not a Survival Guide

So we've decided to skip the tutorial and play on hard mode.

The first month has been crazy with my baby boy and girl.

Intended as a sort of guide for other new twin parents, but I've since learnt that I know jackshit.

Initially brimming with confidence, logistics settled, armed with the knowledge of multiple parenting books and lulled into a false sense of security in the babies' first few days of quiet sleeping; I thought it should be a cake walk, especially with the experience of general surgical calls. Afterall it's just two patients, how bad can it be.

Very bad.

Faced with existential nihilism, the babies have been crying, the whole time.
Awake they are drinking or crying, and you can't feed them forever. I would know. We tried. My boy jumped centiles in weight from all the extra feeds in our poor attempts to induce a food coma. In the last 20 ml of the feed if my babies don't look milk drunk I know I'm going to be up with them for the next 3 hours.

Going into parenthood, I wanted my children to have proper sleep habits, that means no sleeping in the rocker, putting them down in the cot with minimal human intervention, don't over-stimulate the baby.

Now I just do whatever it takes to get them to close their eyes. I've paced my flat with a baby in arm a thousand times; put them in the stroller if both are fussing at the same time and wander around the block; carried them for hours while telling myself that this is nice, this is exactly what I wanted.
Putting the kids in the cot drowsy but awake has been the single most useless parenting advice I've ever been given.

And how does one out a baby drowsy in a cot. The moment their asses touch the bedsheet their eyes magically spring open. What then? Have you ever wanted to shake a baby?

Sometimes they just wants to sleep cuddled in your arms and there's nothing you can do about it.

Don't shake the baby.

miraculously sleeping

You have to approach this like a national disaster, call in all the help you can and then do shifts.
Fortunate enough to have my mother in law with us a lot of the time and we have the means to get a maid which by the way is a necessity.
There are no visitors only helpers. If you pop-by to see the little ones, you're popping by to babysit. Daddy needs a nap.

Since medical school days we've been drilled that breast is best. Seeing as to how we've already had to suffer through IVF surely fate will offer us reprieve in the form of abundant breast milk. Fate laughed as it kicked my wife in her tits.

Didn't have any flow until a few days after the delivery and at such low volumes.  My wife was on domperidone, fenugreek and lactation cookies of questionable use. Domperidone use increased supply buy also caused more blocked ducts which caused more pain, which means time massaging my wife's breast to clear the ducts, the only time I get to touch her boobs now. Win some lose some I guess.

Decided fed is best and switched to bottle feeding formula. We held out with cup feeding for two weeks to avoid nipple confusion but as we realised mainly breast feeding is untenable we decided to switch to bottle earlier. Just as well since formula/ bottle feeding allows me to take up feeding duties and allow my wife some rest. We supplement with what breast milk we do get. So far it's worked up quite well I think. Also my wife and I were both formula fed babies and we turned out alright. Should be fine. Probably.

Now, the act of actually feeding the babies. My girl inexplicably plays hard to get with the bottle. Clearly hungry, she would spit the teat out to spite me and give a pitiful cry before drinking the milk as if I was feeding her bitter poison.
I'm trying to help you!
Stop resisting!

doesnt seem so happy

My boy on the other hand will suck hungrily, like we've been starving him. He only stops when his stomach is no longer physically capable of storing more milk; and we'll know because he has regurgitated all over himself. You don't have to fear for your next meal my dear boy! 

milk addict

Cleaning poop is about the only thing I can do competently. The task which is more or less in your control. It really isn't as gross as I thought it would be. I don't know, babies' poop is somehow cuter.

Two things to note though. 

1. Beware the pee from the freed penis

2. Do not change the diapers immediately after realising the baby has pooped, unless you like the feeling of warm poo on your hands. There's usually more to come.

Going out must be meticulously planned. We have to time it so that the baby is fed and changed and can thus be counted on to be more or less stable for the next 3 hours, our window of opportunity. Kinda like Cinderella, before all her stuff turns to shit. My wife dreads it but I like bringing the kids out, the alternative is house arrest. Also I get to show off my babies who are definitely cuter than your babies; at least the boy is. Hahaha... I have no favourites.

So the month has been exhausting being the babies' bitch.

But I'm gonna miss it.

until next time

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